Friday, December 20, 2013

Free Specialty Greeting Cards

The greeting card industry is a $1.35 billion a month business.  But as with any industry, certain demographics fall between the cracks.  That is where we come in.  We've designed specialty cards that fit situations that may not sell enough to warrant space in a crowded greeting card display.  The best part? We're giving these priceless cards to you for free! Simply print out the picture and bask in the genius.

Ex-Wife's New Husband
So your wife left you and married some other guy.  Having gotten past the desire to punch him in the nuts, how do you get past the awkwardness in dealing with a guy who is sticking his (hopefully small) penis into the woman you used to be married to?  Just send him this congratulatory card and you will be best buddies who trade deez nuts jokes

 Valentine's Day: Unrequited Love
If you are a creepy dude who loves a girl who doesn't know you exist, this is the card for you.  It worked for Charlie Brown on the Little Red-Haired Girl and it can work for you!  Disclaimer: If it doesn't work, you may end up in jail.  Either way, you won't be alone on Valentine's Day.

 Valentine's Day: Recently Divorced Friend
Your friend just got divorced and he will be spending Valentine's Day eating canned beans in his underwear and wondering why he spent so much on his now ex-wife's wedding ring.  It's up to his brohams to bolster his self esteem and take his mind off the fact that he threw away the best years of his life.  This card will do the trick!

Dudes get boners.  The leading causes of boners are:
1. Seeing a hot girl
2. Seeing any girl
3. Waking up in the morning (morning wood)
4. Breathing
5. Trying not to get a boner
Carry this card with you at all times.  If you get a boner around a girl, hand her the card. She'll be so impressed by your honesty that she will offer to hook up with you.

Cancer Sympathy
Hopefully no one you know has cancer.  But if you do know someone who has the Big C, they will need your moral support to get through these troubling times ... especially if he or she has anal cancer. I mean, how can anyone console someone who has anal cancer without laughing?  Well, we can, but most people aren't as mature as we are.  This card has been tested on 45 cancer patients, and miraculously, they all are now cancer free.  Nobel prize, you know where to find us.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Growing Apart

A co-worker runs into Deez's ex-wife and he learns that she has been sugarcoating the reason for their breakup.  When Deez tries to set the record straight, things get awkward.

Wait? Since when did Deez get divorced?  Catch up by watching these episodes (in rough chronological order):

I Think My Wife Hates Me

Identity Theft

Mmmm Waffles (The Wedding Gift Episode)

Religious Differences

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Religious Differences

When a well intentioned co-worker starts asking Deez questions about his ex-wife, he gets more than he bargained for:

Wait?  You didn't know Deez was single now?  Well, in that case, you have some catching up to do.  The Identity Theft and Mmmm Waffles episodes will get you up to speed in a jiffy.

Would you rather see the brighter side of breaking up?  Check out 10 Signs It Is Time To Break Up With Your Girlfriend

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Identity Theft

Deez is having a bad day.  Then again, sometimes having your identity stolen is the least of your concerns.

This is the shocking episode that serves as the prequel to Mmmm, Waffles (The Wedding Gift Episode):

Check out Religious Differences to see what happens next in this saga

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Mmmm Waffles (The Wedding Gift Episode)

When Big Country learns some unfortunate news about Deez, he asks a question representative of his typical sensitivity and grace.

For a historical reference point to this heartwarming and uplifting episode, check out the PREQUEL (also known as "I Think My Wife Hates Me")- it may change your life, but probably not.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Meet John: Mascot For Hire

Every once and a while, a product mascot gets stale.  When that happens, sales suffer and people start sending inappropriate texts.  If you are a company in need of a new, fresh looking mascot that will connect with today's youth, look no further than John!  Kids love him more than they love their parents!  Your sales will go through the roof.  And best of all ... he comes very cheap.

CLICK HERE to see more out of work mascots.

One mascot that will never go out of style is Bofa D's mascot:

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

T-Rex Hates Spiders

Fun Dinosaur Fact #3: T-Rex hates spiders.

Unfortunately for T-Rex, because he has inadequate arms, he is unable reach the spider who has invaded his home with his flyswatter.  Poor T-Rex!

This information can save your life.  From now on, carry a spider with you wherever you go.  Should you ever encounter a T-Rex, simply release the spider.  The T-Rex will likely run in fear, saving you the fate of the lawyer in Jurassic Park.

For more dino fun, check out:
T-Rex Hates Push-Ups

T-Rex Loves To Play Catch

T-Rex Tries To Eat a Peep

Spider 1 - Dino 0

Saturday, March 2, 2013

T-Rex Hates Push-ups

Fun Dinosaur Fact #2: Did you know Tyrannosaurus Rex once tried out for the football team?  

Unfortunately, T-Rex can't do push-ups, so he got cut from the team.  That is why T-Rex hates push-ups.

If you ever encounter a sad T-Rex, you can use this knowledge in only one way.  Avoid talking about football ... or exercise ... or triceratops ... because talking about triceratops will just make T-Rex hungry.

Sad T-Rex
CLICK HERE to see T-Rex play catch.

CLICK HERE to see why T-Rex hates spiders.

CLICK HERE to see T-Rex try to eat a Peep

Friday, March 1, 2013

T-Rex Loves To Play Catch

Fun Dinosaur Fact #1:  T-Rex loves to play catch.

If you ever encounter a T-Rex, you can use this knowledge in many ways:
1. Play a game of catch to befriend the T-Rex.
2. Throw something at the T-Rex to distract it.  When he drops it, run away while he tries to chase after it.
3. If T-Rex makes fun of your bad haircut, you can make fun of his inadequate hands.
4. Avoid picking T-Rex to play on your baseball team because he can't field very well.

Poor T-Rex has inadequate hands, but he's a nice guy

CLICK HERE to see why T-Rex hates push-ups.

CLICK HERE to see why T-Rex hates spiders.

CLICK HERE to see T-Rex try to eat a marshmallow Peep.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

I Think My Wife Hates Me

Normally, Deez is content to flow through life care free, making a steady stream of deez nuts jokes at Big Country's expense.  But every once and a while, Deez faces a challenge.  In this case, that challenge is the possibility that his wife hates him.  The clues, while subtle, are out there.  Could Deez's suspicion be correct?  Watch and find out:

Want to avoid Deez's fate?   CLICK HERE to see the Valentine's Day Episode to find out how to stay out of the Valentine's Day doghouse!

Maybe she hates Deez because he had an iPhone Autocorrect Disaster.

Or, you could just CLICK HERE to see another classic Deez Nuts Joke episode!