Friday, December 20, 2013
The greeting card industry is a $1.35 billion a month business. But as with any industry, certain demographics fall between the cracks. That is where we come in. We've designed specialty cards that fit situations that may not sell enough to warrant space in a crowded greeting card display. The best part? We're giving these priceless cards to you for free! Simply print out the picture and bask in the genius.
Ex-Wife's New Husband
So your wife left you and married some other guy. Having gotten past the desire to punch him in the nuts, how do you get past the awkwardness in dealing with a guy who is sticking his (hopefully small) penis into the woman you used to be married to? Just send him this congratulatory card and you will be best buddies who trade deez nuts jokes!
Valentine's Day: Unrequited Love
If you are a creepy dude who loves a girl who doesn't know you exist, this is the card for you. It worked for Charlie Brown on the Little Red-Haired Girl and it can work for you! Disclaimer: If it doesn't work, you may end up in jail. Either way, you won't be alone on Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day: Recently Divorced Friend
Your friend just got divorced and he will be spending Valentine's Day eating canned beans in his underwear and wondering why he spent so much on his now ex-wife's wedding ring. It's up to his brohams to bolster his self esteem and take his mind off the fact that he threw away the best years of his life. This card will do the trick!
Dudes get boners. The leading causes of boners are:
1. Seeing a hot girl
2. Seeing any girl
3. Waking up in the morning (morning wood)
5. Trying not to get a boner
Carry this card with you at all times. If you get a boner around a girl, hand her the card. She'll be so impressed by your honesty that she will offer to hook up with you.
Hopefully no one you know has cancer. But if you do know someone who has the Big C, they will need your moral support to get through these troubling times ... especially if he or she has anal cancer. I mean, how can anyone console someone who has anal cancer without laughing? Well, we can, but most people aren't as mature as we are. This card has been tested on 45 cancer patients, and miraculously, they all are now cancer free. Nobel prize, you know where to find us.